Before I get started...let me tell you that everything is ok now and we are now a happy family of four...but it was a pretty bumpy road to this point. So...if you were hoping for a craft project, sorry. The only thing that has been more neglected than this blog is my craft desk. Cobwebs and dust bunnies have taken over. I am happy to report that I am in the process of clearing out my craft room and am looking forward to crafting in the very very near future.
The last time that I checked in, I was on bed rest awaiting the birth of my son. During what I thought was a fairly routine appointment with my maternal fetal specialist, she determined that my little one needed to be delivered as soon as possible. My husband and I stopped by the house and quickly picked up my hospital bag and headed to the hospital. In my head (and out loud) I just kept saying, "this is too soon." My OB tried to give my little one the benefit of at least another 24 hours so I could have two steroid shots to help boost his lungs, but it was just not meant to be. While we were hooked up to the monitors, the baby's heart rate started dipping...drastically. Within minutes I was in the operating room, and my little one was born nine weeks early, while his mommy was out cold under general anesthetic and his poor daddy was waiting in the hospital room for someone to come and bring him to the OR. Not only was there an underlying problem, Gavin had managed to wrap his umbilical cord around his neck and arm multiple times, so it really does feel like a miracle that I was even at that appointment. (Random fact: my OB has only ever performed ONE other c-section while the mom was under general anesthetic.) (2nd Random fact: my OB could watch our monitors on her iPhone while she was supposed to be enjoying her day off, so when she saw the heart rate dip - she headed back to the hospital.)
December 3rd was the first of 53 of the longest days of my entire life. The best way to describe it is that if you happened to see me or talk to me during one of those days - you were seeing me and speaking to me on the worst day of my life...over and over again. I know that probably seems like an exaggeration to most of you, but you'll just have to trust me. Our journey taught me many things. It reminded me again that I cannot control everything. I did everything humanly possible to stay pregnant and give my son as much time as possible, but I still couldn't carry him to term. When I hear other moms talk about their "birth plans," I always think to myself...do you REALLY think you can plan that? Let me tell you...the baby is in charge of the whole thing. I know that LOTS of women have babies without the aid of modern medicine, but without modern medicine I wouldn't have survived my daughter's birth and I KNOW Gavin wouldn't have survived. That is a sobering thought. Gavin's doctors and nurses were all amazing. Gavin's hospital stay also taught me that sometimes you have to ask for help. There is no way we could have managed to keep everything going without help. It was vital for me to spend as much time as possible at the hospital with Gavin, but I also had a five year old that needed her mommy too. Brandon's mom helped out so much with Nicole and helped us keep everything running at home. I will also give you a tip - if someone you know has ANY kind of crisis, the nicest thing you can do is bring dinner. Even if you don't cook - take-out is appreciated. I cannot tell you how much we appreciated NOT having to worry about what to make for dinner. Finally, I think the NICU taught me to try and enjoy EVERY moment. I was happy for ANYTHING that I could do for Gavin while he was in the hospital. I happily changed diapers, bathed and fed him any chance that I could. I am trying to keep that going...up at night with a baby - who cares! He'll only be a baby for such a finite amount of time. Screaming fits - oh well! He's my last baby, so I'll never have another screaming baby. I just want him to stay healthy and happy.
If you are still reading this, thank you! I am hoping that my next post will include a craft project. Fingers crossed!!!