Thursday, January 30, 2014

Time for a new plan.

Hello.  Is there anyone still reading this blog?  Oh well...back to square one.  I definitely lost momentum once I got pregnant with Gavin and then EVERYTHING came to a screeching halt once I was put on bed rest.  Fast forward to now...the fog that settled over me seems to be lifting.  I feel lighter.  I'm not going to say that I am the same person; I'm not.  One not entirely unexpected consequence to our adventure in the NICU with Gavin, is that has taken months for me to process everything and mourn some of the things that will never be and rejoice in what IS.  I am so thankful that Gavin is doing so well - better than anyone would have ever expected, but I think I still am waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Maybe it already did.  Maybe Gavin being born at 31 weeks and spending all of that time in the NICU was the other shoe dropping, but I still catch myself looking at him and watching him; just waiting for some unforeseen complication to present itself.  I let worry color my world, and I definitely let worry affect parts of my life that I previously enjoyed...i.e. crafting and blogging to name a few.  Crafting felt like ONE more thing that I HAD to do, which clearly isn't right.  Crafting was fun - crafting was my outlet. All of the sudden design team deadlines felt like huge weights around my neck and blogs posts were CHORES to put together.  Why post a new project if NO ONE comments? When I first started my blog, I didn't get comments for months.  I remember my first "follower" and my 10th follower.  I wasn't blogging for anyone else, but me. Somewhere along the way that changed.  Design teams are so fun and rewarding, and I am beyond thankful for EVERY single team that I have served, but at some point for me personally, I think I lost my way.  Instead of crafting for me or my kids' scrapbooks - I was making cards that I had no intention of sending to anyone.  Projects that had no personal meaning to me - and I think my projects started to suck a little bit.  More importantly, I took myself almost completely out of my blog.  Instead of sharing a funny story or a little bit about me, I was posting a couple of pictures of a project and hitting publish.  I don't read blogs that do that...I may look at the initial picture on my blog roll, but I don't click on it.  I tend to religiously read blogs where the authors share something about themselves.  It doesn't mean that they are sharing EVERY little detail, but as the reader you see a snapshot of the author's life.  So, clearly it was a little hypocritical of me to be irritated when my blog wasn't getting comments.  If I wouldn't read it, why would I expect anyone else to read it?
Soooo....fast forward to now - I really do feel like the fog is lifting, and it started with an idea I had to make hats for babies in the hospital.  Gavin received several handmade hats during his stay and they made me feel happy and reminded me that I wasn't alone in my struggles.  Sometimes friends and family don't really know what to say when your baby isn't home with you right away.  Should they say, "Congratulations," should they send gifts?  Both answers to those questions by the way - are yes.  You should acknowledge it and help the parents celebrate the best you can.  That can be as simple as a congratulations or a card.  You may not get a thank you card promptly (or at all) because the parents are stretched so thin, but know this - they appreciate it.  Making hats for babies that I don't know and won't ever meet has helped me put all sorts of things in perspective.  The act of knitting is repetitive and it works for me.  It doesn't matter what kind of mood I am in - making hats for babies puts things in perspective for me.  I was VERY angry a few weeks ago about a problem we were having with our kitchen remodel and I sat down to start knitting a hat and within 10 minutes I was calmer and definitely had a better grasp on my feelings.  Busy hands - it works!!!  In the past - I definitely wouldn't have shared this on the blog.  I would worry that someone would read it and think that I was fishing for sympathy or praise.  Well...who cares?  Haters gonna hate.  LOL!  I am ONLY sharing this as a way to express one way that I am pulling myself out of this funk.    
I've learned lots more stitches now...so my hats are cuter.
Making little hats has also helped remind me that I HAVE to take care of me too.  Crafting makes me happy or at least it made me happy.  I am definitely reassessing my crafting style.  I am making some changes.  I am getting rid of ALL of my Cricut cartridges.  I don't use them.  They have been boxed up for almost 2 years.  They will be up on EBay and I WILL link them here on the blog once they are up - just in case anyone is interested.  I WILL finish Gavin's baby book...even if I cry throughout EVERY single page.  I am using the Project Life Baby Edition, but I plan on personalizing it a little here and there with die cuts and stamps.  I will definitely try and post those on the blog.  From here on out - I am only going to post projects that I LOVE.  Soo...that's where I am at.   




30 comments:

Scrappy Moms Stamps said...

What a great way to give back! Your hat is darling and I'm sure there is a mommy & baby who will be thrilled to receive it!

{{{ HUGS }}}

- Mel

silly_girl_823 said...

I am glad to see you posting...no matter what it is on! My twin boys got a few of those bitty hats and lots of blankets while in NICU, and we still have them to this day...10 years later! I completely understand the fun being taken out of crafting when it becomes a job or chore and that's when I take a step back and say time for a break! Enjoy yourself in whatever you do!

Dawn said...

It's so nice to see a personal post from you. I am glad you are making changes to make you happier. That hat is adorable. I recently got into loom knitting and love it! My papercrafting is on the back burner now. You should check out the Google plus board, Loomaholics. It's a fun place for advice and inspiration. I hope you enjoy being you again.
Dawn

Glora said...

Ah Lauren, I just love you to pieces. I can totally relate to a lot of those feelings about my crafting blog. Right now I have no commitments at all blogging wise and as much as I LOVED both of those teams and as sad as I was to see I didn't make those teams this time... it is a bit of fresh air to make something just for fun. Something I want to make, something I'm going to use. I love your darling little hat and thanks for sharing a bit of what has been going on in your world. Love ya! Hugs- Glora

Happymom2010 said...

Lauren-
I admired you for what you are now, for all the inspiration (posting)you worked in the past, and for what you want to share in the future.
Blessing to you and your family.

XOXO,

Gina Lindsey
Sacramento, CA

Anonymous said...

I think when it comes down to it we all need to do what makes us happy. You keep smiling and craft on.

jeanette rodriguez-DeLeon said...

Thanks for sharing....for being so honest....looking forward to whatever else you decide to share ....personal or craft related....god bless...

jperr said...

Blessings to you and your family,and congratulations on your new addition to your family.I love the little hat you made.It is my prayer that you can focus on the little milestones.and really enjoy Gavin.I will keep you in my prayers.
Blessings Jocelan

Barbara said...

Do what makes you and your family happy. I always liked your projects. One that I really liked was when you made all of the items for your daughter's Minnie mouse party. I received a loom to knit on for my birthday but haven't tried it yet. Take care.

Cristi Burton said...

Lauren,
It brings tears to my eyes to read your post. I can not explain it but your post really opened my eyes!!!! First off I am so happy to know you are finding yourself again and your new outlet!! I truly understand where you are with blogging. I have been pushing myself to try out for more design teams thinking that is what defines me but after reading your post I really feel I need to get back to why I started blogging. Don't get me wrong I love the design team I am on, I just need to refocus. :) Thank you for sharing your heart and I truly agree I would rather read a blog with someones personality showing then just a picture of a project.
I can't wait for your next post and to see some more cute baby hats!! Take care dear!!
Big HUGS,
Cristi

Susan B. said...

I'm horrible, I never comment... But I do read and i always look. Glad to see that you are back creating. :)

snowdraak said...

I can relate to your post about the NICU as my babies were delivered early and spent time there. We were expecting this with four so we differ in that aspect. It was almost 16 years ago, so I don't remember little knit hats. Everything was a blur back then.

Be creative the way that makes you happy. I have often wanted to be on a design team, but felt I couldn't be creative with deadlines looming over my head.

I will be looking for your cricut post, if you do decide to put them on eBay. You might change your mind when you start doing your little ones scrapbooks!

Trisha said...

Your story so impressed me. I am ashamed to say that I do not comment very often, but I do read and look. Happy to hear that you are getting better and your baby and little girl look fabulous. The little hats are such a good idea and you are so right about busy hands.

Jeannette Friesen said...

Thanks for your post and your honesty. I have followed your blog for a couple years and appreciated each of your post. Many blessings to you and your family.

Joanna said...

I'm glad you're back. I loved your style even if I didn't always comment, otherwise I never would have subscribed to your blog.

~amy~ said...

Oh Lauren, love your heartfelt post. What an awesome hobby, knitting the hats.

Thinking of you♥

Jaren said...

I started following your blog a few years ago when I saw your awesome scrapbook layouts you made and I watched a video where you showed how you planned it all out on your gypsy. Seeing that kind of changed the way I scrapbooked. I loved it! You were and are a major inspiration to me. Thank you for letting us in on your personal post. You are right. Most of us read the blogs, where we can feel like we know the writer. Those are my favorites. Your hats are adorable. We received one of those for our baby girl a few years ago (she was our third). I was so touched that someone took the time to make it. What an awesome thing for you to do!!

Erica said...

Aw, Lauren, big hugs. If it helps, I can't generate more than five comments unless I offer to mail people junk from my house. ;)

moknowsall said...

I just finished a fleece quilt kit that was my moms. She never got to it before she passed 3 years ago. I was going to keep it, but after reading your post I am going to donate it so a homeless person can use it. Thanks, your message came through.

Maureen
Moknowsallcrafts.blogspot.com

craftymom205 said...

You have to do what is right for you. It doesn't matter what we all think. Thanks for being honest. I love to knit and just finished a shawl for myself. Don't make to many things for myself. Hope to read more about you in the future.

craftymom205 at yahoo dot com

Glee=the best show(other the gilmore girls) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jill said...

Hi I just found your blog. I would like to offer encouragement to you. I was a NICU baby I was 1 of 3 babies my two brothers and I were born at 26 weeks ( 4 months early). My brother Michael only survived 8 hours. After Michael paased the doctors told my parents that Alex (my twin) and I would more then likely not survive, but here I am 20 years later. As healthy as can be no problems what so ever. I just wanted to share my story to let you know that you not alone and your baby boy will (God willing) live an amzing and healthy life.
God bless
Jillian

sarah said...

TFS!!!! Hugs....

Heidi said...

Good for you! Life comes first and when crafting looses it's "gift" it's time to regroup. I haven't been around for about a year myself... life got in the way... I'd love to hear more of your story and share in the joy that you are refinding. Hugs to you and your family!

Anonymous said...

I can totally understand where you are coming from about the NICU, it's hard but I'm just glad my little girl is doing great, she is healthy. I'm sure your little boy will be good. Do what makes you happy. Looking forward to your cricut carts post.

God Bless!

Annette said...

Thank you for your wonderful post! I can relate on so many levels from blogging to babies. My oldest, who is 18 and in college, was born a 27 weeker. It is a scary time and I remember always waiting for the other shoe to drop as well. My advice to you, for whatever it is worth, is to try and take each moment as it comes. The small accomplishments, like sitting up, are huge. He is going to do great:) I think the knitting is an awesome idea and would have loved to have had that when we were going through her early months. To be able to give back is a blessing in itself. I always got excited when I heard about preemies that were thriving. It gave me hope when I would worry about her. Now, I just worry about the normal stuff anybody with a college student has!!

Annette
My Mind's Dust Bunnies

Trina Tizzard said...

Thank you so much for sharing your personal thoughts and feelings. Sending many happy and positive thoughts to you and your beautiful family. By the way...the hat is adorable!

K Dineen said...

Hi. Lauren,
I've read your blog for a couple years now and always enjoyed your projects. I never comment though. I hope that doesn't sound awful. I just felt like I'd be intruding somehow. I wish you and your sweet family all the best!

Anonymous said...

I read your blog often. I loved all your creations. I think what you are doing now is awesome and I am glad you are sharing. Can't wait to see your next post

Treva said...

Hugs to you and kudos for sharing again. Happy that Gavin is doing better and glad that you are deciding that you need to do you.